Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
