i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
