also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
