she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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