you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
