at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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