My friends, they love my intelligence
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
