wrigley field is MILF paradise
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
