Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we're making bets on your personal life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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