I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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