If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
