its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
