I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
