dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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