I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
