I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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