That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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