My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
