After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
zippers are such a cool invention
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
