You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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