sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
