so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
