I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
