oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
thus making me awesome and them whores
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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