btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want nice things and good sex
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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