Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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