no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
