Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
two words...techno handjob
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
