Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
