I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
