First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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