Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Still dying that you shit outside
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
