I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
