Nicole vs. Life
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
