We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
