we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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