high people should be assigned attendants
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
