I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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