After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
