i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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