Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
