I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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