The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
