I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
