You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
