Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
