So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
