I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
