god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
