Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
