I'm gonna have a badass scar
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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