Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
