Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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