I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
