I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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