Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
