the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No subtext here. People are naked.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
