Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
