Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
