You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
