also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
