Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
