He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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