I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish you could order shots online.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize