I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
