Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
