I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i out mim tonsoeep
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