Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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